Life's Not Worth a Damn Till You Can Shout Out, I Am What I Am!

You can be anything you want to be, after all, the most majestic of oak trees was once just a nut.

My Interview with Fox 10 News Phoenix Posted In Blog Format on Main Fox News Web Site Fox News Health

My interview was posted, in blog format, to the main Fox News website and the blog was written by a plastic surgeon who warns people of the dangers associated with having mods done such as I have.

They have contacted me and want to talk to me, and I will stand my ground against anyone and I will counter all the negative remarks the surgeon stated, in support for extreme body modifications which he, as a plastic surgeon would not do.

This is my response:

"My ? to him is, given I have had no adverse effects from any of my mods, I can see, perfectly, except for I need reading glasses from pushing sixty, I have had no hearing loss, and my sense of hearing has been heightened, I can breath easily and I have had NO complications from any of my mods.

I want to know why it is OK for him to do face-lifts, tummy tucks, breast augmentation and all the other types of procedures he does, which are also body modifications, and me having my ears removed and my nose reshaped is so wrong?

We live in a society that thrives on double-standards.

If someone can get a stomach band to help them lose weight, which I believe can be a dangerous procedure as well as heart transplants which can be a dangerous procedure, etc. etc. etc., then why is it so bad for me to have had my ears removed if I am not having any problems?

Like Daniel Tosh said when I made a guest appearance on Tosh.O...DOUBLE STANDARD!!!

Maybe the medical industry should pull their head out and start doing the kinds of procedures that we see today in the mod world, they wouldn't have anything to complain about!

DOUBLE STANDARD!!!

Also, I never said that I "pretended" that the rattlesnake was my parents. Until this plastic surgeon can open his eyes and his mind to actually understand what I said in my interview, he has no business even speaking on my story."

Fox News Health - The Dragon Lady

Modified Perceptions (MOD Squad - Modify II Street Team) V1

People ask me.

"Who is the modified community?"

Please have a look at some of the faces of MOD World/MOD Squad - Modify II Street Team, and give our videos a like and sub, and share our videos with your family and friends.

Much love to everyone, from Oblivion!

Tiamat The Dragon Lady On Tosh.O Comedy Central

All I can say is BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! TO TOSH.O

LGBTQD

Love it! lol!!!

Tiamat The Dragon Lady On Tosh.O

Preview of Tosh.O on Comedy Central Tiamat the Dragon

Tomorrow night on Comedy Central, my guest appearance with Daniel Tosh on Tosh.O.

I have a photo I was going to share with this post, but I decided to hold off until after the show tomorrow night since I am wearing the dress I did the interview and skit in and I don't want to ruin one second of it for you all.

Just a friendly reminder to please take to heart that this is a comedy show and the entire interview was designed for getting a few laughs at me, and I gave them the feed they used to create the entire episode from, so go on ahead, grab your popcorn, let your hair down sit back and enjoy the show.

Daniel was such an awesome host and he was told by the producer that I am an animal lover so he had his two dogs brought in to the studio to meet me when we were done filming, and one of them just could not stop giving me puppy kisses. <3

I do not have cable at home so I hope you all enjoy the show. :)

Annnnd here's the preview. :)

Tosh.0 with Guest Tiamat the Dragon Lady

NoMan Pan Lotus Suspension - Dallas Suscon 2002 with CoRE (Contstructs o...

Blast from the past.

My second ever suspension as NoMan Pan.

Lotus Suspension, Dallas Suscon 2002 with CoRE Constructs of Ritual Evolution from back in the earlier days of modern day flesh suspensions.

I love these hookers.

I Am Woman - Helen Reddy (with lyrics)

This has been and continues to be a very busy and exciting year, with two interviews done and two more to go, one in July (source unnamed) and one in September for a global outlet that specializes in trans stories.

I've been preparing for this for the four years I have been living as a woman, and we're getting to the final stages of sorting things out, but, it's such an honor and privilege to be able to tell my story as a trans woman to the world, sharing my journey, and talk about my M2F transition.

This Fall interview is very important to me and I am pleased to have been connected through the mysterious workings of the universe to the person whom I will be doing this Barbara Walters style interview with whom is also a M2F transgender individual herself so it will be fun.

Yentl - Papa Can you Hear Me? Happy Father's Day Papa. I Love You.

I did not have the privilege of growing up with my father, taken away from him at age three by my mother; something I have always resented, and still do, but hey, it is what it is.

Every year since I was a child Father's Day has been a sad day for me. Part of me is angry at my mother and my late maternal grandparents for taking me away from my father, the person whom I spent many a night turning into many a year of crying myself to sleep wanting nothing more than to be with ...my father, to feel his fatherly embrace, to his see his smile, to hear his voice, listen to him laugh, wishing me a good night and running up to him to wake him up early in the mornings.

When I was thirty six years old, what should have been a happy time however, after about a year of searching for him with a few leads I had, meeting my father turned out to be a bitter sweet reuion.

I will never forget the day my life long dream of knowing my father came true and I feel like I harbor a little bit of resentment that I had to say goodbye to my father only five months after finding and meeting him for the first time since I was three.

I won't go into more details on this story, and when I got up this morning I said to myself that I would not make this post, but still today, after all those years of suffering from having such a big void left by the absence of my father, I want nothing more today than I get to meet my father again, to be able to look into his eyes, to see his smile, to hear the sound of his voice, to feel the warmth of his father embrace and perhaps even feel his kiss on my cheek or forehead.

I still cry today, as the shadow of my memory of him laying in bed having been rendered a vegetable for eight years, just as I cried and my tears fell to his face that last time I was with my father, knowing it would be the last time I saw him alive.

Happy Father's Day to my beloved father Richard Hernandez, may you RIP and wait for me on the other side of the rainbow cause you have a little girl here who wants nothing more than to meet you, and to tell you how much I love you.

"Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you see me?

Papa, can you find me in the night?

Papa, are you near me?

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you help me not be

Frightened?

Looking at the skies

I seem to see a million eyes

Which ones are yours?

Where are you now that yesterday

Has waved goodbye

And closed its doors?

The night is so much darker.

The wind is so much colder.

The world I see is so much bigger

Now that I'm alone.

Papa, how I love you...

Papa, how I need you.

Papa, how I miss you

Kissing me good night...

~Eva, the daughter you never met. <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwCPAo5e_F8

I'm Sexy and I Know It

Been down in the dumps all month long and while I am not going to say why, I will say that sometimes a girl just has to get her pretty and sexy on to make the day all right.

Sometimes when I just want to hide away it's the best time for me to not run and hide, but to remain here where I have the love and support of my friends, both those of you whom I've had the grand joy of meeting in person and those of you I've yet to meet.

I know that I can seem a bit wishy washy and perhaps even a little dramatic, but heck what do you expect from a hormonal woman, serpent, dragon thingy?  lol

I also want to say that I appreciate all your love and all your good vibes and all your prayers.

Here's sending some sexy serpent love out your way from Oblivion. <3

MAD T.V. Season 3 (2/2) Eyewitness Report From Ms. Swan (1997)

One of my greatest life achievements is a personal achievement, and had been one of my most desired goals in life, that when I die, in a few more thousand years or so, I will not look like a man, but like a woman.

I'm not prepared to leave this world, just yet because I'm not done raising hell, but it is great to have the peace of mind today that I no longer look anything like the man I used to be.

One of my proudest achievements in life is having become a woman, just like Eve came from Adam's rib, Eva came from NoMan Pan.

When people go to my grave some day in the far away future and ask, what I looked like, no one will be able to say, "HE LOOOK LIKE A MAN!"

METAMORPHOSIS The Good the Bad and the Beautiful - The Story of Eva Medu...

A one year look at my reptilian metamorphosis.



Dedicated to my dear friend Emilio Gonzalez



Featuring Body Modifications by Emilio Gonzalez, Double Ear Removal, "Double Van Gogh" and "Reptilian Nose" inspired by Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter.

Guess I'm Feeling a Little Melancholy

Four years ago when I had just started HRT.

If You've Got It, Flaunt It, That's My Attitude

Blast from the past wearing one of my favorite dresses.

My Memorial Tribute To the Boy/Man I Used To Be (Difficult and painful convo with my brother Bob this morning.)

I spoke with my brother this morning and we talked about the people who touched our life and we had our own private memorial tribute to our loved ones. Before we hung up, I told my brother that I needed to ask him a favor. I explained to him, what it was like for me to have grown up in the small town in South Texas where he still lives today, being openly gay and not giving a care who didn't like it or what people said, including my grandfather whom we memorialized today.

I explained to my brother what, imho happened when I was conceived, or made, and I told him that simply stated it was a fluke of nature and while I was born in a male body, inside, my mind, my heart, my soul, is female, that I was never supposed to have been born a boy.I asked my brother to take a few minutes today and memorialize his little brother, Ricky, that childhood best friend, because Ricky is no longer, Ricky does not live today, and the person who does live today is his sister, and that he could call me Eva, or Medusa, or Tiamat, whichever he prefers; he said he would honor my wishes. I know this is hard for him, and I told him that I would be patient and understanding if it takes him some time to get used to having me as his sister and calling me by my female name.

I told my brother, as I will say to all my family and to the people who knew Ricky, Rick, or NoMan Pan, I know that it will take some time, and I understand where you are, the confusion in your minds, and, please know that I will not be angry with you, but please do try, and in dealing with your own feelings and perhaps even fears, please, please, do remember that it was me who suffered all those years, but you could not see my suffering and I could not express myself because I did not know how to; I do now.

I do not want people to call me Ricky, except for my mother, she is the only person in the world I grant that privilege to.

Sitting here, as I write this, in tears, tears which people don't understand, feeling the pain that people don't understand, and four years into my transition, having overcome many obstacles and having walked through the fires of hell more times than I can count, I do not want people to see me as Ricky, the boy; I want to say to my family that I am a woman now, and my name is Eva Tiamat Baphomet Medusa, or, Legion. any of these five will do, please.

Today I memorialize the boy Ricky that I used to be, and the man NoMan Pan that I used to be.

I've been wanting to write this blog for several years, but it was not the right time, and now, having reunited with some of my blood family, after many years of estrangement, it is important to me that they accept me as the woman that I am, NOT as the boy or the man they knew many years ago.

So long to little Ricky, that sad, depressed, miserably unhappy, misunderstood, yet much loved little boy I once was, and so long to NoMan Pan, an original transformer, both loved and hated, might I say, rightfully so, the bold, yet soft, fierce, yet gentle often whimsical cloven hoofed mythical creature I also once was. R.I.P. safely within your shrine that is me.

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR, I AM DRAGON HEAR ME ROAR LOUDER!

I Am What I Am, I Am My Own Special Creation So Please Don't Try To Make Me 'Normal'.

As a transgender individual it's important for me that I speak out on issues that affect the trans community at large, which I feel are important issues that need to brought into the light.

I don't care about making "transgender normal", that would totally go against my grain to be made "normal".

I want to educate people about real and serious issues that affect the trans community, particularly issues that affect trans women such as how cruel people treat us to the point many trans women are brutally assaulted and often viciously murdered in countries around the world.

No one can make me normal because I am my own kind of normal and my state of normalcy can only be determined and decided by me myself and I. I live my own style of normal, I live in my own reality, not anyone else's perceived idea of what is normal and what is real.

I am what I am, I am my own special creation...my own form of perfection and beauty, and no, I do not want to fit into anyone's category or mode of normalcy.

To be made normal? No thanks, I'm OK just the way I am with my perfectly imperfect abnormal self.

Mom, I'm A Woman Now (After over a decade of estrangement, I am reunited with my mother on Mother's Day 2016

Today is a very special day for me, and I take a few seconds to think about one of the questions people ask in a demeaning manner "What does your mother think? Yeah, I bet she's proud of you!" Well here is my response to all the nay sayers and those who think that my mother should be ashamed of me. After being estranged for over ten years, I telephoned, spoke with, and wished my mother, the woman who gave birth to me, a Happy Mother's Day. I spoke with my mother about my having become a woman, and she told me that she had heard, and that she hopes that I am happy. I told her that for the very first time in my life I am happy, and she told me that she is happy for me and she supports my decision. Also, today, I spoke with my half brother, also after two decades of estrangement, and he also told me he had heard about my M2F transition. He said, "We all have our lives to live and we each have our paths and I'm happy for you that you found yours."

For my family to come and stand at my side, showing their love and support for me, especially at this time in my life, means more to me than I am able to express in mere words. I'd spent many years feeling all alone and like I didn't have a family to belong to, and when I began my dual transitions, I never expected anyone from my family to accept of like what I am doing with my physical appearance, just like I have never expected anyone out there in society to like or accept. I always figured that the time would come when my family would see me for who and what I am, and not the devil that many thought I was, and it would be the same for at least some others too. I told my mother that my name is now Eva Medusa and she said, "ok, but I'm still going to call you Ricky because to me you're Ricky". I told her that that is a mother's privilege and she can call me by whatever name she wants to or feels comfortable with. I've not seen my beloved mother in many years and I miss her dearly. One of my fondest memories of her is her beautiful smile and what a beautiful woman she is, and this morning when I spoke with her on the phone, I could see her smile, I could feel how happy she was to get this phone call from me today. How I feel right now is that no matter what happens in my life, having had the opportunity to talk to my mother today, to hear her beautiful voice on the phone, just to be able to tell her that I love her and wish her a Happy Mother's Day, makes nothing else matter. To one of the most beautiful women I have had the privilege and honor to know and to call my mother in this life, my hero, Alma Gloria Perez, Happy Mother's Day. Love, your new daughter, Eva (Ricky)

My Decision To Go Totally Gender Less

Some people are born with an extra finger or an extra toe.

I too was born with an extra digit, my penis.

To me this is a birth defect and just like people get their birth defects corrected, my birth defect will also be corrected.

For many years I have had this love/hate relationship with my penis, and I am so over it, that I am beginning to, for the first time, not just dislike it, but I hate it.

It absolutely repulses me to have to be reminded every time I go to the bathroom, or take a shower that it is still there, it won't go away, like a dead man with his fingers hanging out of his coffin, it keeps hanging on and I want it gone.

I've been reading about how many trans women have problems after having had SRS Sex Reassignment Surgery, and one thing is for sure, I am not going to put myself in a situation where instead of being happy with my modification, I regret it.

From the time I began my M2F transition, I have tried too hard to please others by trying to fit into other's image and interpretation of what it means to be a trans woman.

No longer will I bend to try to fit into anyone's perfect image of a trans woman.  I am called a freak and some people in the trans community say that I make all trans people look like freaks.

When it all comes right down to it, I need to do what is best for me, and I could give a rats posterior if I do not fit into what others consider to be THEIR perfect  version of a trans woman.  I am not a sexually active individual and tbh the thought of engaging in sexual intercourse with another human also repulses me.

I don't care if some or all of the trans community is against me. I will not bend, will not cave in and I will not sacrifice my integrity and my self love and my self worth to conform to the whims of anyone.

Yes, I am a freak and I wave my freak flag proudly, but, even thought I will most likely opt for a penectomy/castration over an SRS, and go completely gender less, I am also a transgender individual, and I don't care what anyone has to say about the matter or who dislikes or doesn't agree.

The trans community should start building itself up by supporting each other regardless of our differences instead of tearing itself down.

We all look different, so let's come together and embrace each others differences which creates the beautiful diversity in the trans community and love one another.

GENDER CONFIRMATION BODY MODIFICATION B1

Last night I spoke with my brother, for the first time ever in a candid conversation, about my gender dysphoria. My brother Bob is the only person in my entire family that I have ever talked to directly about this.

He's in Texas and I in New Mexico so as much as I would have preferred to have this conversation in person it was not possible and it needed to happen.

It was one of the most difficult phone conversations I have ever had in my life; through tears I explained to my younger brother that I was basically born in a man's body but that inside I was not a man, that inside my soul is that of a woman, and that I could not continue to live life this way and I needed to fix this problem.

He said, "I don't care, you have my full support". As I continued to cry I told him that I didn't want him to feel that he was losing his brother and he said, "I'm not losing a brother, I'm gaining a sister."

Having this unconditional love and support from the person who is only 11 months younger than me, the little boy who was my little sidekick through life, my baby brother, meant the world to me and it has given me a great sense of peace; a peace that I needed as I begin to prepare myself for the most extreme body modification ever that will change my life in ways so profound, it will literally be my re-birth as the Dragoness Eva Tiamat Medusa.

After 35 years of estrangement, he reached out to me and reconnected with me in Dec 2015. I love my brother and I am blessed beyond measure to have him at my side at a time in my life when I really need him to hold my hand.

I have so much support from family and friends both near and far, people, I've met and have not met, and that means a great deal to me.

It took me four years to get to where I am today, and at long last I can say, I'm ready to be the woman I was meant to be.

I got this!