I did not have the privilege of growing up with my father, taken away from him at age three by my mother; something I have always resented, and still do, but hey, it is what it is.
Every year since I was a child Father's Day has been a sad day for me. Part of me is angry at my mother and my late maternal grandparents for taking me away from my father, the person whom I spent many a night turning into many a year of crying myself to sleep wanting nothing more than to be with ...my father, to feel his fatherly embrace, to his see his smile, to hear his voice, listen to him laugh, wishing me a good night and running up to him to wake him up early in the mornings.
When I was thirty six years old, what should have been a happy time however, after about a year of searching for him with a few leads I had, meeting my father turned out to be a bitter sweet reuion.
I will never forget the day my life long dream of knowing my father came true and I feel like I harbor a little bit of resentment that I had to say goodbye to my father only five months after finding and meeting him for the first time since I was three.
I won't go into more details on this story, and when I got up this morning I said to myself that I would not make this post, but still today, after all those years of suffering from having such a big void left by the absence of my father, I want nothing more today than I get to meet my father again, to be able to look into his eyes, to see his smile, to hear the sound of his voice, to feel the warmth of his father embrace and perhaps even feel his kiss on my cheek or forehead.
I still cry today, as the shadow of my memory of him laying in bed having been rendered a vegetable for eight years, just as I cried and my tears fell to his face that last time I was with my father, knowing it would be the last time I saw him alive.
Happy Father's Day to my beloved father Richard Hernandez, may you RIP and wait for me on the other side of the rainbow cause you have a little girl here who wants nothing more than to meet you, and to tell you how much I love you.
"Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you see me?
Papa, can you find me in the night?
Papa, are you near me?
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you help me not be
Frightened?
Looking at the skies
I seem to see a million eyes
Which ones are yours?
Where are you now that yesterday
Has waved goodbye
And closed its doors?
The night is so much darker.
The wind is so much colder.
The world I see is so much bigger
Now that I'm alone.
Papa, how I love you...
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you
Kissing me good night...
~Eva, the daughter you never met. <3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwCPAo5e_F8
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